I live in and LA and don't work in the "biz". Does this make me normal? No? Does anything make me normal? No. At the risk of making this sound like a myspace profile I like mini horses. A lot.
100. Journey - Don't Stop Believing 99. Whitney Houston- I Wanna Dance with Somebody 98. Jon Secada- Just Another Day 97. Daft Punk- One More Time 96. Sum41- Fat Lip 95. Boston- Peace of Mind 94. Montgomery Gentry- If You Ever Stop Lovin' Me 93. Rod Stewart- Maggie May 92. Tupac - How Do You Want It 91. Godsmack- Awake 90. Citizen Cope- Sons Gonna Rise 89. Sarah McLachlan- Worlds on Fire 88. Atmospher- Modern Mans Hustle 87. Tim Mcgraw- Live Like You Were Dying 86. Seal- Prayer for the Dying 85. Beck- Where Its At 84. Nine Days- 257 Weeks 83. Tom Jones- She's a Lady 82. Baby Bash- Suga Suga 81. Bruce Springsteen- I'm on Fire 80. Little Richard- Long Tall Sally 79. Elvis Presley- A Little Less Conversation 78. Toto - Hold the Line 77. Lucky Boys Confusion- Fred Astaire 76. Talking Heads- Burning Down the House 75. System of a Down- BYOB 74 .Smashing Pumpkins- Cherub Rock 73. Chuck Berry- Johnny B. Goode 72. The Cure- Just Like Heaven 71. Rage Against the Machine- No Shelter 70. Live- All Over You 69. Nas- I Can 68. Pearl Jam- Alive 67. The Outfield- Your Love 66. Led Zeppelin- Over the Hills and Far Away 65. Fort Minor- Remember the Name 64. Linkin Park- Paper Cut 63. Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes 62. Fiona Apple- Criminal 61. Madonna - Like a Prayer 60. Flight of the Conchords- Think Think About It 59. Nelly- Country Grammar 58. Darude- Sandstorm 57. NERD- Rockstar 56. Eminem - Can I Bitch? 55. Dropkick Murphys- Shipping Up to Boston 54. Mase- Feel So Good 53 Fallout Boy- Sugar, We're Going Down 52. Hot Hot Heat- Dirty Mouth 51. Pat Benatar- Heartbreaker 50. The Beatles - A Day in the Life 49. Ryan Adams- New York, New York 48. Phil Collins- Sussudio 47. Rush -Limelight 46. Jay Z and Eminem - Renegade 45. Fuel - Shimmer 44. Cheap Trick - The Flame 43. Paramore- Misery Business 42. Mark McGuinn - Mrs. Steven Rudy 41. Toad the Wet Sprocket 40. Stone Temple Pilots - Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart 39. Kanye West- Stronger 38. Coldplay- Talk 37. Justin Timberlake- Senorita 36. Michael Jackson - Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough 35. Beastie Boys - Intergalactic 34. Story of the Year- Page Avenue 33. Gym Class Heroes - Clothes Off 32. The Clash - Train in Vain 31. Joe Jackson- Is She Really Going Out With Him? 30. Third Eye Blind- Wounded 29. Foo Fighters - Hey, Johnny Park 28. Lisa Loeb- Stay 27. Nirvana - Breed 26. Justin Timberlake - My Love 25. Michael Jackson -Wanna Be Startin Somethin' 24. George Michael - Freedom 23. David Gray- Babylon 22.SilverSun Pickups- Well Thought Out Twinkles 21. Peter Searcy- I Believe 20. Von Bondies- Cmon Cmon 19. Led Zeppelin- Immigrant Song 18. Sam Cooke- Good Times 17. Steve Azar- Don't have to be me til Monday 16. Rage Against the Machine- Wake Up 15. Michael Jackson P.Y.T 14. Default- Sick and Tired 13. Jimmy Eat World- A Praise Chorus 12. Jack Johnson- Bubble Toes 11. Outkast- Bombs over Baghdad 10. OAR- Love and Memories 9.The Temptations- Aint Too Proud to Beg 8. Sarah McLachan -Fallen 7. Rage Against the Machine- Renegades of Funk 6. Stevie Wonder - Sir Duke 5. AFI- The Days of the Phoenix 4. Justin Timberlake - Like I Love You 3.Beastie Boys- Shadrach 2. Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down 1.Third Eye Blind- Motorcycle Drive By
We all have pump up music. Since I live and breathe music I need it to get myself through the day. Sometimes I need that type of music to get me sufficiently amped to go out, go to work, do laundry, dance in the dark, haggle with homeless people sleeping outside, go to the beach, eat a sandwich, watch TV, have relations with women, throw things at my coworkers, yell at my phone, and most importantly cry alone after another day is done. So today I'm going to help everyone out with the music they should be listening to achieve all of life's important goals. Oh no need to thank me. Yes there is. Send money. Cheap Bastards.
Going to a party with a lot of chicks? Need to be in your Kool Mo Dee mode? This song makes you hip.
Its 8 AM. Need to be at work at 815. Motivate me!
Going to Silverlake. Need an ironic T, some tight jeans and some hipster kicks. Let's get Indie.
Just met a girl at a bar and need to want to touch the cacaweewah.
0- Amount of times I threw up 1- amount of bruises I had on my ass Sunday night from getting hit with a paddle 5- minutes I needed to stand up before sitting down 1- video of said incident 2- Dance offs that were conducted. 1-1 record in said danceoffs 3 - Days spent by the pool 3 - midgets that were at the pool in various dress on Saturday. 14 - people I texted the picture of the Michael Jackson midget 1 - attempted moonwalk with the MJ midget side by side 3 - total amount of moonwalks attempted this weekend 1 - times I fell down attempting said moonwalk Numerous - awkward situations that arise when you hook up with friends of friends in a group. 342 - weird stares at dinner 76 - creepy text messages I sent to various people 0 - amount of texts I remembered sending 6 - less friends I probably now have 1 - vagina in my face because some girl "wanted to make her boyfriend jealous" One million - thank yous to that boyfriend for being a dick 31 - STD tests I will be taking this week 40 - times some variation of this song was heard this weekend 39 -times I wanted to kill myself 50- total amount of dollars lost 32 -times requested to hear Stevie Nick's "Edge of Seventeen" at the table 4 - times the dealer said "You said that already" $550 - tab I signed for and exclaimed "I've been robbed!" 1 -amount of drinks I purchased for myself on that tab 3 - Times I busted out my Helen Keller dance. PC Police Arrest this man 1 - random girl that joined in 62 - times I told her "don't trust a ho, never trust a ho, won't trust a ho" 16 - ounces of tequila consumed within 2 hours 0 - minutes remembered after those two hours 76 - pictures of evidence that need to be burnt. Infinity - Good Times had
I'm not sure if You Tube will pull this video, but I'm going to Vegas so F them. Also I hate people be messing with my cool. I created this video just to get this song on You Tube. Bobby Creekwater needs a voice. Also I'll be wearing a bandanna around my neck for most of the weekend. If you don't like it "keep damage to a minimum."
NSFW (but if you're still at work, you're a sucka. Ok that was uncalled for. Sucka.)
I've had the pleasure of being to 3 Indian Weddings in my lifetime. By pleasure I mean undeniable pain and suffering of having to sit through 6 days of "events" that may or may not have included things like watching women get some sort of tattoo design on their hands, watching women set up the venue and watching women talk about everyone else behind their back. Great fun! Not at all. Now when I say Indian wedding I'm sure everyone thinks of horses and ganeshes and all kinds of flowers and such. Yes, that is all true. But this past weekend my cousin had a wedding with an "American" flavor. So it was a traditional small ceremony and reception. No horse, no beach and no priest saying things in a circle and passing around coconut water that is so sweet.
It tastes so good when it hits your lips.
Since it was more American themed there weren't gallant entrances and me asking people "what did he say again" because I don't understand the dialect. The couple had their first dance and after the speeches were given, (which included the best man speech getting zero applause except from me. Welcome to awkward city) the DJ boomed into his mic, "EVERYONE TO THE DANCE FLOOR!" Now I've been to my fair share of weddings. Usually I am hanging out at the bar taking free shots with people that I've never met before and saying things like, "You've seen Cool Runnings?!?! YES! High Five!" and generally looking around to make sure some drunk uncle is more drunk than me.
Less drunk than the drunkest? Stay Thirsty my friends.
I don't know.
So when the DJ told everyone to come to the dance floor I expected a half hearted response. It usually takes a few songs to get the crowd going. Maybe the ChaCha slide. Some gimmick. But this wedding was different. I looked up and the dance floor became enveloped with people from everywhere led by an Indian uncle that was bouncing around like he had done 8 lines of coke in the bathroom.
8 ball, corner pocket.
As I was telling BWP, I'm not sure what you think a large group of Indian people dancing is like, but it was EXACTLY like you would think it would be. Arms were being thrown in the air. Claps were loud. People were bouncing up and down. This is the only way to describe it. If you remember the beginning of Wedding Crashers where they play "Shout" and everyone is going crazy? Yeah, imagine that, but to Indian music and times 1000. People were going bonkers. Of course, since I had to prove my existence I jumped right in there and noticed that these people were actually doing choreographed dances since all Indian songs have dances. I quickly realized that I wasn't doing anything anyone else was doing. So I did the next best thing.
Throwing my arms in the air like an idiot.
I figured you couldn't go wrong with that so I started bouncing around like a moron and had my arms in the air. Let's just say people were looking. Mostly my parents. It got weird. After about 20 minutes of acting the fool I sat back down and my other cousin mentioned that the groom loves Jai Ho. Of course he does. How white is this wedding anyway? Billy Idol alert. So they were going to attempt to do a jai ho line dance. Since i had only 8 glasses of wine I volunteered to teach the moves and lead the line dance.
Whoops.
In hindsight, this was not my best moment. I was half in the bag, my parents and ENTIRE family was present and I proceeded to lead a Jai Ho line dance. After about a minute and a half I realized I didn't know the entire thing. So I quit. I just sort of pretended to know what I was doing and hope no one noticed. And, of course, no one did because these people got some sort of rush from just dancing. I don't know what a high from speed looks like but I imagine to look like this wedding. People everywhere. Yelling, whooping it up. Laughing. It was an experience. The only thing that could have topped it is if a bunch of midgets walked in and started throwing each other in the air. Then it happened. The door opened and in walked...
No one. I made that up.
At the end of the night the DJ switched to some more hip hop/top 4o music so the dance floor cleared out. In plenty of time to bust out the Tom Cruise dance from Tropic Thunder to "Low" by Flo-Rida. It was also at that point my parents dragged me out of there. The whole fake smacking a girl from behind thing is frowned upon. Lame. I gots to get my groove on.
I went home content. Then I heard that there is a video of the wedding. Sweet Sassy Molassey. I can't wait to get a copy of it and label it, "Grandma's shower" so no one ever sees it. Unless you're into that sort of thing. Perverts.
I just wanted to write that in big capital letters. Anyways I figured I would throw this out there. Tomorrow (Monday July 6th) I'll be in NYC (I created a new song for New York. Move over Sinatra and that fake Bryan Adams guy. Here it goes. " N. Y. C. me. There. Tomorrow." Sing it in rap style and you'll catch the "flavor") So if anyone wants to meet up and do the thang let me know. By "do the thang" I mean sit around and hope that I didn't get murdered by a gang of mimes when I show up to wherever I'm supposed to be 2 hours later. Otherwise I will be buying batteries at a healthy 4 for 2 dollar discount in Chinatown by myself. I know how to haggle real good.
I know this clip is old, but I just found out found out today that my mom has watched this entire movie. And she never told me about it! We've been emulating this guys dance for years! I could have been the first one to know! I threw a fit. You can't be keeping secrets like this all to yourself. It would be like if I found out that Michael Jackson died and I didn't do 32 memorial stories on him and even replaying episodes where singers that think they are "idols" butcher his songs. A-holes.
I've been told I have a type of woman that I like. Ones with vaginas. But if we were to narrow it down a little further it's obvious that I prefer brunettes. Now I ain't gonna kick a blonde girl out of bed because, hello, doing it is doing it. Saw that on an infomercial once. RIP. Billy Mays. As a wise man once said, "Blondes get me to look, brunettes get me to take my pants off." I would like to clean up that quote to say, "I'll take my pants off for anyone."
What was the point of this?
Right. I also like short hair. I realized this the other day when I kept staring at a short haired brunette girl and creeped her out mainly because my fly was undone. It was awkward. The problem is that I live in LA and short hair is seen as a sign of the devil. BEELZEBUB!Look at what these people did to Katie Holmes when she cut her hair! They made her marry Tom Cruise! That is the epitome of insanity driving a woman to do something extreme. So the issue being that the type of woman that drives me crazy doesn't really live out here. A fact I realized when I told my friend how good her short hair looked.
Me- "Wow, your hair looks great. " Friend - "Really? I didn't want to cut it. I FEEL SO NAKED!" Me- "I like it. You should have done it like years ago." Friend- "I think I look better with long hair, why do you like it?" Me- " I don't know. It accentuates your face? I feel like that's what they say on those makeover shows. I just like it. I'm a man." Friend- " Interesting. You like girls with short hair don't you? I don't think its fair to ask you." Me- " FINE. I HATE IT." Friend- "Well that wasn't what I was expecting." ME- "I don't know what you want me to say. Your hair is nice. The end." Friend- " Thanks. But I can't wait to grow it out again." Me- "Um, you just cut it. Women be weird." Friend- "Yeah, but I think long hair is the thing. Most guys like that." Me- "I JUST SAID I LIKE YOUR HAIR!" Friend- "You're weird."
So in conclusion, don't say nice things to girls ever again. Also I'm the only weirdo that likes short hair. If you find this woman please tell her to break up with Charlie because I want to talk. Thank you and good day.
"All of my friends have used sex as a weapon before. You haven't lived unless you've done so. Just consider it your sexual bar mitzvah. MAZELTOV! "
-RS27
"I keep playing random people in NHL online and they keep quitting after I score a goal to make it 1-0 or 2-0. Its not like I'm good. They just quit as soon as they get down a goal. This is why our kids are scoring so poorly in math & science. "
-Nerds
" I heard this tasteless joke yesterday, but it was really poorly told so I had no idea it was a joke. Here let me tell you. So there's this one guy, no, maybe there's two guys? It's not important. There's a guy that was home. (yelling) STACY! Remember that joke we were told yesterday? Were there two guys at home? "
- Anti-Chris Rock
" Michael Jackson had so many hits that I forgot. You know that one, 'The rhythm is gonna get you. The rhythm is gonna get you?!?!' Amazing."
"That was Gloria Estefan. She's a woman"
"Close enough really."
- Sound Recognition Experts
" I don't have a man, OK?!?! You must mean my baby daddy because he will never be MY MAN."
- Relationship Guru
" Last night I took one part alcohol, one part not eating, one part horny, and one part dark bar and mixed it in a cauldron of bad decisions. When I looked over this morning I realized something. Worst. Stew. Ever."
